Part of the SHORT MUSICALS NOW COLLECTION
The Facebook Fighter
Book, Music, & Lyrics by Chris Kerrigan
A bitter 30-year-old misanthrope makes continuous attempts at human connection the only way he knows how: by antagonizing people on Facebook. After he alienates his "friends" one by one with incendiary political rants, snobbish pop culture opinions, and flat-out viciousness, he realizes too late that his brash and frank online persona has pushed everybody away and left him all alone in a void of existential loneliness & social media silence.
Garon, a thirty-year old line cook with a crappy attitude sits on his bed and posts morosely on his Facebook timeline about his rotten life “OPINIONS”. He begins to scroll through his new feed and reads a fiery post from a radical feminist acquaintance named Beth “MAN ON THE Q TRAIN”, detailing her interaction on the subway with a man disingenuously claiming to be a feminist ally. Garon is triggered by this and lets loose on her in an aggressive, nonconstructive manner. She fires back at him, informing him that he basically proved her point, and unfriends him.
Elsewhere on Garon’s news feed, an acquaintance named Devin enthusiastically informs his friend Jolie that their favorite band will be at the Greek Theatre soon. Garon intervenes with snark and derision, insulting them for being fans of both The Decemberists and Arrested Development. Devin and Jolie, mildly annoyed by this, attempt to give Garon a lesson in social media etiquette “MEAN AND BITTER”. Garon hits back even harder, and they both unfriend him.
Jacob, a sweet metrosexual man with lots of friends online and otherwise makes a “vague-post” asking for prayers and good vibes in advance of a big event in his life, which is met with a chorus of likes and positive energy “GOOD VIBES”. Disgusted by this, Garon antagonizes Jacob, which prompts all of Jacob’s friends to immediately come to his defense. Jacob thanks his friends for their support and proceeds to unfriend Garon.
A man named Richard does a copy-and-paste of a popular post invoking the Code of Intellectual Property to protect his data from new software employed by Facebook. Garon mocks and derides him for being gullible “COPY AND PASTE”. Richard silently unfriends him.
Garon continues to burn bridges and turn everybody against him one by one “FINALE” until finally he goes too far while commenting on a birth announcement and is reported to Facebook. His account is disabled. In the deafening silence of a lonely Facebookless existence, Garon begins to have regrets.
GARON - 30, antagonistic and opinionated line cook
BETH - 25, radical third wave feminist, no time for bullshit
DEVIN - 28, lover of Arrested Development and The Decembrists.
JOLIE - 28, Devin’s friend who equally loves these things
JACOB - 30, sensitive sweet man who leans on his friends
RICHARD - 45, paranoid about photos/video being appropriated
LINDSAY - 24, in a relationship with a much older man
CARLY - 32, expectant mother
ROB - 35, expectant father
SUSAN - 30, lover of Pilates
MIKE - 45, alpha Bronco’s fan
The following roles are doubled: BETH/CARLY, DEVIN/ROB, JOLIE/SUSAN, RICHARD/MIKE
2017 - Presented at SOUND BITES 4.0, 10-min Musical Festival at the Pershing Square Signature Theatre. Winner of BEST MUSICAL.
CHRIS KERRIGAN is a musical theatre actor, singer/songwriter, and playwright living and working in Los Angeles. He is the head of the theatre department at STAR Education, a far-reaching after school program that serves over a hundred schools in the greater Los Angeles area. He has written nine full-length children’s musicals (Two Sides to Every Story, Screen Time: The Musical!, The Toy Store, and Reading is Rad, to name a few) that have been performed in elementary schools far and wide. He has performed in several regional productions including Parade (Hugh Dorsey), Violet (The Preacher), Assassins (John Wilkes Booth), American Idiot (Tunny), Jekyll & Hyde (Jekyll/Hyde), and Avenue Q (Brian), to name a few. He plays piano/keyboards in several LA bands as well.